I''ve been toying with iambic pentamber. At least the iambic part. (I think. I really should learn the terminology but the address bar is every bit of four hundred pixels away from my mouse pointer.) This is No Sir. It is not game related. It''s just a thing that happened. Read and enjoy. --- Once upon a quiet night I saw a woman talking to the wind. It held her in its grasp and raised her from the earth. Five foot six, she stood, from tip to toe and three more above the ground. I touched her ankle (left or right, I do not know) to announce myself discreetly and inquired, "Pardon me, fair lady, but what has the wind to say? Be it rumor or wisdom or fact or fable?" In the air, she turned to me (or was it more a pirouette?), and this was her reply: "It speaks to me alone, good sir, no one else can know." "Good sir!" I laughed, "Surely the wind did not say that. I may be good -if my mood is right- but I am no sir." "As you say," said she, "but did the wind tell you that I am a lady?" "A lady you are, and fair for certain." I said, "And more besides, for surely only an angel could float upon the air and hold the wind''s attention as you have done. I need no counsel from wind or demon to know that." She descended then, from her perch atop the air, and stood before me. "The wind has said its fill and left me," (Indeed, I could here a faint sigh receding from above.) "but I still crave conversation. I will share my tale," she continued, "if you have the time to listen. Then, perhaps, we will see if I am fair and you are good, and about that business of ''sir'' and ''lady.''" "I have missed my train and have no way home till morning. So, fill that time with your tale, and I will give my own as way of payment." "Very well." was her reply. We sat together on a bench and spoke for hours. We spoke of what we were and what could be and much else I can''t remember. Too soon for me the wind returned (but then, I knew it would) and carried her away. The night soon ended and I was left to meet the dawn alone. Then, in the new light of the morning I considered what was said. I realized that I was right! She was a lady and fair for certain, but it was more for the lines she spoke, and the lines of thought and heart than for the lines of her form. And, I am good, as she had said, perhaps more so than I could see. But I am no sir. --- A bit of context: This is an interpretation of an eleven line poem I wrote not too long ago, and a stylized retelling of how the narrator remebers the events of a short story of which he is a major character and is itself a b-plot of a much larger story. What I really want to know is this: Just what do I think I''m trying to do with this piece, and can someone demonstrate how to do it better? Live cheap. Live Free. Get it wrong the first time.

Wow. I like it.

A good introduction to your own two-person version of the Canterbury Tales. It could certainly work as that, but is good as a stand-alone poem, as well.

I really don't know what you're asking - or if you are in fact, asking for anything - so I'll just ramble on.

Hmm. It reminds me of the kinds of short stories and poems in our high school English books. Lots of famous authors and well-known stuff.

Wish I could demonstrate how to do it better.

I would like to read the eleven line poem (well, the short story, as well) if you happen to have it handy on your comp.

Hmm. Well, my train of thought keeps leaving me at the station, so I'm going to stop here and wait before I attempt to reply again...

//edit - cant believe nobody else has replied...

-geo
red eye is coming back (the old site is still around, albeit in a weird transitional form)

[edited by - Avatar God on June 22, 2003 10:49:06 PM]

Here is the original poem. If you need me I''ll be searching for some rape fantasy erotica to reaffirm my machismo.

I know they say the eyes can catch a rainbow
and the heart may beat a butterfly tattoo
but I never believed until I saw you.

Should I go and seek the fabled pot of gold
tethered to the end of this rainbow I see
and fly away, away on butterfly wings?

Or should I be happy, do you think, just to know
that my eyes and heart have flown even so near
just to let the wind take my rainbow from here?

Take what could be mine, or should I let it go?
Tell me, please, if you think I should, yes or no.

Note the rhyming pattern: ABB ACC ADD AA. Those first three A''s could be an artifact of chance. If so, then it''s kinda like a Shakespearean sonnet with the third line of each stanza removed. Also, notice that there are eleven lines which each contain eleven syllables. This was definitely no accident. If I actually knew what I was doing, I would make each line pivot (or something like that) on the sixth syllable.
When I read or hear (for what is a poem, but a song without an instrumental track?) something like this, I immediately ask "Who''s the girl/guy?" (I put girl before guy because most often it''s a guy writing about a girl. But, don''t let that give you any definite ideas in my case: ambiguity is a virtue.) The writer must have someone in mind, right?
Perhaps I could answer that question for you, but, uh... no. Remember, as Linda Hamilton (I think) said in one episode of Beauty and the Beast: "Eighty percent of a woman''s charm is her mystery."
Of course the proverb continues thusly: "...until you''ve got her panties off and her hands tied to the headboard." But, it was a network show, so whaddayagonna do?

Live cheap.
Live Free.
Get it wrong the first time.

quote: Original post by Oh Gee Whoa
Good story

That''s a good story!

Man, the difference between the original poem and story-poem is huge. I like both, but the second one is certainly something I would be more likely to read - not that the first one is bad, but I think you know what I mean - and more cleaned.

Really like that quote

I tend not to have a particular person in mind if I do bother to put pen to paper (or fingers to keys) but an idea of a person. Of course, there may be a basis in my actual life (the one I live outside my poor head) for the person, but not always. Well, probably, but not easily placed.

Well, I''m rambling again.

Have anything else interesting? Your style is great - well, everything is, actually - and I''d love to read some more, even if I don''t exactly have any useful suggestions.

Any luck with the erotica?

-geo
red eye is coming back (the old site is still around, albeit in a weird transitional form)

In deference to the mistress sunandshadow and in hopes of receiving a morsel thrown through the bars, I present this story which has nothing at all to do with No Sir, but is vaugely game related.

But first...

quote: Original post by Avatar God
Wow. I like it.

Original post by Zorodius
That''s a good story!

It''s Official. Oh Gee Whoa has the support of the people. Tremble, slothful moderators.

And now some viewer mail:

quote: Any luck with the erotica?

Sadly, it was not to be. A problem with my ISP prevented me from nursing my insecurity, let alone sating any physical urge.
Now, here''s a story about two guys. (That just does not read well, no matter how I look at it.)

---
The backstory:
Names for fictional characters generally come easily to me, but the two leads of this story and nearly every inhabitant of their world have steadfastly defied my attempts at naming them. But I do list the titles of two other characters. They are:
* The Sage is a really, really powerful being who decided to try his hand at world building. He created this world and everything on it. His design of the world was based on this principle: "All Must Blance." Don''t worry about just what that means yet. Only remember that that phrase is repeated ad nauseum in all religious and philisophical texts on this wolrd. Also, when he assumes a corporeal form he has an extra finger on one hand. Here again, you don''t need to worry about the significance of that. Just remember that it''s there and that everybody on this world has a theory about it.
* The Abbot is the adam of this world. He is the first man, and as far as anyone can tell he does not age.
Enough preamble. Here''s the story:

This story is true.
Two friends sought eternal life: one looked within himself, the other looked without. Here is what happened.

The first one focused on his body. After a time, he saw the cells from which we are made. He saw them weaken and die as they split. "If there is to be Balance, then when a cell dies another must be made" he thought. He meditated on that idea, silent and unmoving. His followers tended to his body during this time and waited for him to wake and tell what he had learned. Forty-seven years they waited before he spoke.
The other one first tried to take the longevity of certain creatures whose span is known to be longer than ours and apply it to himself. He had not the discipline. He studied the moons, who some say are born again between each cycle. If it is true, he could not see. He asked The Abbot who was first and eldest of men and did not age. But The Abbot wouldn''t tell. He examined rocks that were older than The Abbot and (some say) here before The Sage. But rocks can keep such secrets. Still with no answer, his hair grew grey and despair was in his heart.
In time, the first one was successful. Through force of will he achieved Balance. As each cell died a new one took its place. And so he did not age or fall ill. He was immortal.
When he awoke he sent word to the other one who came quickly. The first one offered to teach his friend the technique, but old age had already taken its toll on his friend''s body and spirit. The other one had not the will or the time to master his body as the first one had.
So, the first one when back to his meditation and sought a way to apply the Balance he created within himself to another person. Years passed. The other one grew weary and felt his death draw near. He lost his patience and in desperation he attempted to take the life and immortality of the first one. But The Sage''s hand of six fingers came down between the two men and The Sage spoke to the other one: "This, I will not allow. You cannot take him. You are banished from this world. In one thousand years you may return, if you are able." And so it was.
Few remember this story and fewer still know it to be true. Nine hundred Ninety-Eight years have passed since the other one was banished. The first one still waits for his friend to return.


Live cheap.
Live Free.
Get it wrong the first time.

quote: So, the first one when back to his meditation and sought a way to apply the Balance he created within himself to another person.

I have no idea what he just did...

My curiousity is kicking in... I want to know what happens in two years...

But man, that would make for a bizarre game. Actually, I can''t even see how it could make a game, but if it did, I''m sure it would be strange.

Hmm - back to No Sir for a moment - I really like the effect of actually having a rhythm, but don''t really know how to go about it. Just wondering if you could explain it (or link) for me...

Keep this up It''s rare that people actually post writing (good writing, too) at any rate. There were a few not that long ago in the short story thread, but that''s been it for a while.

Of course, if lazy bums like me bothered to learn to write short stories so they don''t read like, well, poorly translated Chinese, the forum would actually get some attention. But I''m a little worn out. A week at Drum Major Academy will do that. So I think I''m just going to go sleep now...


-geo
red eye is coming back (the old site is still around, albeit in a weird transitional form)

quote: Original post by Avatar God
I have no idea what he just did...

On this world, most magical seeming acts (I try to avoid the word magic in this context) are described in terms of creating a balance. The first guy became immortal by convincing his body that the best way to Achieve Balance is to replenish cells as they die. As noted in the story, this took some serious and prolonged concentration. "[Applying] the Balance... to another person" can be viewed as teaching the technique, or simply working the trick himself on that person.

quote:
But man, that would make for a bizarre game. Actually, I can''t even see how it could make a game, but if it did, I''m sure it would be strange.

Way back when I first heard about MMORPGs I thought it would be nice to have a pseudo-rational explanantion for the auto respawning of the PC when he gets himself killed. The first idea that popped into my mind was a Gandalf lookalike who watches over the player and teleports him away in the nick of time. That''s nothing new so I started fleshing out my little hirsute guardian angel.
Just as a place holder I called him The Sage. Then I thought, instead of a wizard, why not add a zero and make him a deity. A deity needs a church and a church needs a leader, so a second major character is born. I happened to be listening to a Wu-Tang album at the time so: leader=>RZA=>Abbot.
I''ve always found it interesting how games attempt to balance antipodal forces (brains, brawn; light, dark; Carmack, Romero), so I thought it would be fun to make the idea an explicit and fundamental design goal. And not just a goal for me, but also for The Sage, who now has an additional zero at the end, bumping him up from simple deity to Creator.
There you go. It began as a tweak to a fantasy MMORPG, then became something like flavor text for its own game. Now, it''s sort of an all-purpose tool for game development. (Like a hammer. You may not be able to solve the problem, but you sure can address it.) Most of what I''ve done with this project is fill in the details of the world while leaving spaces for interactivity. For example, the climax to the plot-arc which begins with the story above is a nice place for a stand-alone game or an expansion.

quote:
Hmm - back to No Sir for a moment - I really like the effect of actually having a rhythm, but don''t really know how to go about it. Just wondering if you could explain it (or link) for me...

Uhhh, that''s kinda what I was looking for when I started this thread.

Live cheap.
Live Free.
Get it wrong the first time.

O, the things I do for attention:

quote:
In deference to the mistress sunandshadow and in hopes of receiving a morsel thrown through the bars, I present this story which has nothing at all to do with No Sir, but is vaugely game related.

...and no response. I''m beginning to think my subtle wit has progressed so far that it has fallen off the edge and is now merely insubstantial. The fact that the reference is now rather stale (and obscure) by GDNet forum standards doesn''t help. But, I''ll get over it.

Bear with me now. I promise this is not a vanity necromancing; I have actual new material (game-related even) to present.

My original post concerned a story-ish animal with a rhythmic pattern which makes a passing attempt at stressing every other syllable. Since no one seems interested in suggesting how to improve that method for its own sake, I will now offer a few theories about how this can be used in a game.

I remember one of the old NES Mega-Man games (three I think) where the fire stage had this giant chasm with a series of disconnected platforms that materialized above it, each at a different elevation and each appearing a fraction of a second before you had to jump to it. Intense, and nearly impossible*. Now, take that sequence, strap on an over-voice that lectures or taunts the player following a script which adheres to a pattern, such as the one in the story in the original post. Then, make a new platform (enemy, etc.) appear on each stressed syllable. I think if the action doesn''t overpower the speech, this technique can add some resonance to any game which exists in the long, dark, mustachioed shadow of Mario.

Now, a few theatrical examples:
Consider The Princess Bride. Specifically, the duel between Cary Elwes and the other guy where they keep a running dialog going through the whole thing. Or a significant fraction of Quentin Tarantino''s movies. The cadence of the dialog in a Coen brothers or David Mamet movie, or The West Wing. And, my personal favorite, Brad Pitt''s diatribes to Bruce Willis in 12 Monkeys. If you could take that last example and make the script and the action follow the pattern that exists in the song played during the opening credits you''d have... something interesting: a common pattern which joins three typically discreet portions of the game playing experience. It''s all about pattern recognition. Everyone, from folks who write IQ tests to Flipper, digs pattern recognition.

Other possibilities: spawn minor critters between the player and his main objective in a(n) FPS; have the opponent attack and dodge in a fighter; structure the dialog of a cut-scene; fire each of a pirate ships cannons; and make it all follow a pattern.

That story, No Sir, at the top is a short and stylized interpretation of a larger story. So, if a fully fleshed out story for a game could be given a similar treatment, then the major plot movements could follow the pattern. Perhaps too subtle for many to appreciate it, but I think subtlety is often a synonym of replayability.

I suppose it has at least as much to do with music as with words, but I started the topic with a writing sample and I think there''s lots of gold left in that thar hill.

OK, to rephrase my original request: What have I missed, and can some one provide some nomenclature so I can at least pretend to sound like I know what I''m talking about?


* Fortunately, this was the first game in the series to include the robo-dog (whatever his name was), so the player could acquire the dog first, then use it as a jet powered hover board to clear the chasm. We had a name for the people who chose that route, but the utterance of such is unbecoming of gentlemen and ladies of our station.

Live cheap.
Live Free.
Get it wrong the first time.

Well, I''ve just spent three days with little sleep, one shower, far too much time out in the sun - marching, no less - and a less involved version of a ropes course. So I don''t know if what I''m about to say will make sense, or for that matter, be written in english.

I''ve certainly seen dialogue improve scripted sequences (by which I mean movies and cut-scenes - things that are not viewer/player-controlled) and, well, it''s cool. Music videos are a strange example, but sometimes effective.

Usually, dialogue in games is rather pathetic. It''s either totally in the cutscenes (Halo, minus some random chattering) or you go into a totally separate process with the NPCs, and the rest of the game sort of ''goes away''.

I think it would be awesome to combine the story and dialogue with the actual gameplay. And there is a TON of gold in that thar hill. If you could effectively bring the music, words, and gameplay into a unified, um, thing? (my vocabulary drops with my energy) - then it could be something pretty amazing.

It''s far past me (not just right now, but at all) to be able to do this, or even be able to give you specific suggestions. I just don''t have the capacity to. So I wish you the best of luck and hope S/S will throw you some table scraps, and wait for ahw or adventuredesign or whoever else to give you some real advice.

-geo
red eye is coming back (the old site is still around, albeit in a weird transitional form)